Saturday, December 29, 2012

My name is Sweeney and...............

Well I'm not going to apologise for not posting for quite some time, many things have happened some of which I will share some I will not.
I did mention in a previous post that I might one day give a little context to my posts by telling a little bit of my life story. Well today I am going to post on a more personal level, not for any of you people who may or may not read these words its just for me, my own piece of mind (, webspace) and my sanity.
Here goes.
Hello my name is Sweeney and I am an addict, what I have been addicted to is not the issue here what is is that I am an addict in recovery I am truly grateful to have the opportunities that this affords me for if I were not recovering I'd be killing myself or may be dead already (kinda inclined to believe the latter there) and as long as I keep on my path I will not find out.
Last year after I came to the conclusion that I do not recall having any respect for myself of any kind I made the decision to work on getting some of what I had blagged I had for so many years, since that time I have picked up on two occasions and acted out many more times (two different things going on for me). I am immensely proud of the fact that I have only picked up twice in over a year now the last time was 17 weeks and 6 days ago. It was at this time I chose to take certain action and this is working well for me. Now as to my other self destructive ways, they have been a little slower to get to the same place in sobriety (it may not have been as long in time but it's good) A lot of work has been a put in on both of these things, continues too and the fruits of my labour will materialise one day.
I'm unsure of many things right now all I am sure of is I feel better after writing and sharing and seeing as I have a limited number of people who I can share with I may as well share with everyone who cares enough to read this.
In the past week or so I've began to feel deep inside myself something that like self respect hasn't been a part of my life for quite some time and that is caring and loving myself. It may sound like a load of airy fairy bollocks but tough shit its what's happening in me not you. I do hope that these new feelings are due to the actions I've been taking and that if I continue to do what I'm doing now the feelings will get deeper and stronger to the point I feel I can share my life with another.
This public record of how I am today may be removed at a later date or added to. It's my blog and I can do what the heck I like (I do hope that I do not feel this was a foolish mistake on my part in a day or two)
Have a prosperous New Year and hope Santa brought you everything you asked for.

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