Now I'm one who never thought I had no self respect so what a fucking shock to the system it was to find out that much of my anxiety, self pity, anger and depression might just be symptoms of being emotionally insecure.
I'm kinda new to describing emotions and feelings, not because I haven't had them but I've repressed and numbed them for so long and could only use childish descriptions like happy, sad or angry in an attempt to convey what was happening inside. I know I've lived in my head far to long and I'm finally beginning to feel and I must say it's rather emotional darling. I now don't believe that I'll ever think my way out of a problem or situation, I just need to bleeding remember it. Action is the key that unlocks the doors to change (for me it is anyway).
All this going on and hardly any time to write about "normal" shit. Well after a difficult few weeks (sharing a house with a racist, homophobe didn't have me in a comfortable place) two of the housemates have had a drama involving relationships, bed sharing (but no sex), the "game", some sex (in a car with another person) and in the awkward aftermath. The Pilot (the one I don't like more than the girl) has packed up n shipped out (thank fuck for that) because quite honestly I've become a bit of a shut in or recluse (makes one sound mad and I was for quite some time, maybe I still am a little bit but sane enough to know it). Now the dilemma will be sharing a house with not one but two women (all that estrogen floating about has gotta do something) one I think is alright, the other very much in to the dramas of life (many I'm sure she manufacturers or stages in some way) so I'm currently attempting to coax my workmate to move in a 50/50 ratio should balance shit out.
Anyway I started this yesterday and now that's all I've got for you, for now.
Take it easy.
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