Most of the time I've considered myself quite the honest bloke but what I am coming to realise more and more is that I have been a victim of Self Delusion, the worst of all delusions as it has allowed me to have many "false" relationships. How can they be 100% genuine when I'm not being true to even myself. Now I'm not going to "play the victim" I did it all to myself with a little help from........... That's right Me!
I have become quite depressed at this glaringly obvious fact from time to time. Now I have both the chance and I am making the choice to change my actions. Something new, something small so that I'm not overwhelmed and I'm able to keep up consistently. Reading, meditating, writing, drawing and talking with other addicts is helping me a great deal and is also helping build the road of recovery that I deserve because to build something takes a shit load of energy but once it's been built then the maintenance costs should be less giving me more energy to be productive and supportive in other areas. Something that, I feel, is an achievable goal.
Oh yeah the title of this post, Refreshingly Honest is how it feels right now if I keep it up I will just be honest. Don't fall in to the trap though, just have to be vigilant. Keep my eyes on the prize, which is a good recovery from my addictive behaviour and thoughts (yeah that's right I am addicted to patterns of thinking, weird eh?).
The new year started off well, I spent the time of before midnight and quite some time after talking with a loved one, then work (it was double pay so worth it) and the day was spent drawing and reading very calm and peaceful.
After a few weeks of bank holidays after this week it's back to "normal" apart from the reign of Bramwell/terror starting. He's already getting on my tits, coming down to the shed n telling us the best way to do our job. It's our job we do it every day! He's never done this job he's a salesman not a seasoned boxsmith (warehouse worker) like Jordan and I. It's going to be an interesting few weeks until the boss gets back.
If you want to know what's happening with me just Keep Coming Back, your all always welcome.
(of course it's Sweeney its my bleeding blog)